My Short And Uneventful Marriage To The Empress Of Spoke Media

So the chick pictured above runs one of the most outrageous media empires in the earth’s atmosphere. It’s properties include a blog network, a sex radio show on Sirius, and a recently launched blog on sex blogs.

So I shot her an email saying I wanted to interview her and asking if she could send me some pictures.

She sent me a couple the same day.

I repaid her promptness by forgetting about the questions I was supposed to send.

She then sent me an email accusing me of just asking for her pictures so I would have something new to jerk off to.

I hate it when chicks figure me out.

So instead of asking the Spoke Media empress typical questions about her history with 9rules, her deals with Glam and Playboy, her rumoured sexual relationship with some dude I know and cool stuff like that, I thought it would be more fun to kind of test her.

You know, give her a quick little quiz consisting of some stupid questions only the great mind behind this blog could come up with.

I think she hated the idea and me in the process.

But she was a good enough sport to send me some answers:

1. True Or False: Mickey Mouse has the middle name of Fauntleroy.

False…it’s the duck, silly.

2. What is the age of consent in New Mexico?

I didn’t tell you about that story, how would you know? You’re really freaking me out, you jerk.

3.Advice: How come he doesn’t like calling or talking on the phone? He says he likes me and that he doesn’t want to break up, but the only time we really talk is when we are face-to-face. I think he is pulling away from me. Am I wrong? What should I do?

Oh sorry, I just fell asleep. What was the question again? Oh, right…my advice: go to Barnes and Noble and pick up some self-help books (like He’s Just Not That Into You) then meet up with your 3 best friends (you know, the whore, the prude and the dyke), afterwards buy yourself some expensive something or another and…I can’t do this. Go unplug your phone, download some porn, take a muscle relaxer and start a blog.

4. A two part question: Name 4 members of the groundbreaking rap group NWA? If you were creating a female rap group today name 3 women you would put in it.

Also known as Niggaz With Attitude, the group was formed in my hometown of LA in the late 80’s at the peak of my teenage angst. Eazy E, Dr Dre, Ice Cube and …? Oh, fuck it.

3 chicks? Well, me (’cause I could use the cash), Scarlett Johansson (that’s just straight marketing), and either Salt or Pepa (’cause who couldn’t use a good comeback campaign?)

5.Who Am I?
Born April 9th, 1926
IQ is 156
I received my bachelor’s degree in two and a half years by doubling up on classes while drawing cartoons for the Daily Illinois and editing the campus humor magazine Shaft

I’m bored now…can we play something else?

6.Team Aniston or Team Jolie?

This is a trick question, right? Alright fine, Jolie, are you happy now?

7.What is Spoke Media?

Spoke Media is nothing and everything. Spoke Media is an amalgam of all the unearthly elements, a TOE if you will, responsible for singlehandedly rocking the foundation of particle physics and quantum mechanics. Spoke Media is a super-organic html document.

Interesting answers but I don’t think she was feeling my little game.

I should have asked her about her thesis on modern Italian education.

Having had practice with the “smart girl who now hates you” thing due to my various ex-wives I know my next move.

Leave the house keys on the kitchen table and wait for calls from her lawyer.

But I’m gonna keep the pictures.

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