How Julie Chen Helped Create The New Sprint Exclusive Entertainment Network

julie chen moonves 

Exec:”chirp” Paul, you busy?

Paul:chirpWhy the fuck did we buy this ‘push to talk shit’? It’s ruder than fucking call waiting…

Exec:”chirp” That was a Gary move, sir.

Paul:”chirpGlad someone got fired over that shit. Whadda you want, I’m talking to Chartreuse.


Exec:”chirp” Chartreuse?

Paul:”chirp” The fucking blogger.

Exec:”chirp” what’s a blog?

Paul:”chirp” Just tell me what you want.

Exec:”chirp” I have an idea, sir.

Paul:”chirp” yeah

Exec:”chirp” We’re a network, right?

Paul:”chirp” yeah

Exec:”chirp” then why don’t we act like one? We can start creating our own content to differentiate ourselves from the other cell phone networks.

Paul:”chirp” Sounds stupid, risky and expensive.

Exec:”chirp” Here me out. We’ll build our own production facilities. We can be the next NBC!

Paul:”chirp” You mean I’ll be a real media CEO and hook up with some exotic from another race like Julie Chen?

Exec:”chirp” Yeah, and we can hire people like Marshall Faulk and old baseball and MTV rejects.

Paul:”chirp” I hear that Amanda Congdon’s free.

Exec:”chirp” Tried her. Busy with HBO, we don’t need her anyway. If the folks who made Barbara Walters a star couldn’t help her…

Paul: “chirp” They shoulda tried Amanda on The View.

Exec:”chirp” yeah. Anyway sir. What do you think?

Paul:”chirp” Char says it’s a bad idea. Why build a closed network when we can pull all the best content on the internet for free?

Exec:”chirp” Who the fuck is Char?


Paul:”chirp” Don’t fucking curse on ‘push to talk’, you don’t know who’s listening. Char is Chartreuse. That nigga can put a sentence together like fucking Toni Morrison and is smart enough to hide it with soft porn pictures. Don’t you read blogs?

Exec:”chirp” Oh yeah, I LOVE him.

Paul:”chirp” Really? OK, then build your network. We’ll call it SEE. The Sprint Exclusive Entertainment Network. And if it doesn’t work we’ll blame that cunt Forsee.

Exec:”chirp” Thanks, sir. 

Paul: “chirp” No, thank you. Now get me Condoleezza Rice’s number. I hear she needs a soft landing. 

Explore posts in the same categories: new media

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.

6 Comments on “How Julie Chen Helped Create The New Sprint Exclusive Entertainment Network”

  1. Clyde Smith Says:

    Now you’ve hit full steam!

    On a related note, I think all Internet stars should stay as far away from television and anyone involved with the tv industry as possible.

    Most of them will fail in a manner that will be debilitating.

  2. chartreuse Says:

    Glad you guys liked it. It was fun to write.

    Clyde, i don’t know about that. I think the problem with Amanda had to do with her producer. The best stuff were the outtakes.

    um, Mr. Topical CEO, you’ve been as under the radar as I have lately. What’s up with that?

  3. black_mamba Says:

    Is this gonna Kill You? No i Dont Think so !

  4. Tropical SEO Says:

    > um, Mr. Topical CEO, you’ve been as under the radar as I have lately. What’s up with that?

    2 parts drinking problem, 1 parts laziness?

  5. chartreuse Says:

    sounds like america to me. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: